ANAL SEX ADVICE

Anal sex positions and sexual techniques

We have the information you need to make anal sex safe, and we have high-resolution pics of an attractive couple who are really into anal pleasure demonstrating the positions you can use. Better still, our photos show anal sex in the context of a loving relationship. Click here for the anal sex pictures

But why anal sex?

Anal sex can be attractive for all kinds of reasons. For some, anal sex is a throwback to childhood naughtiness and the excitement of playing with a forbidden part of the body. For others, anal sex can introduce new excitement into sex. For many men, there is an irresistible attraction to the female bottom - it is a powerful sexual signal, and the idea of entering that tight forbidden place can be extremely exciting. For women, the physical pleasure in the anal region can be very enjoyable during sex, and there is always the sense of pleasing their partner, the excitement of trying something new in a safe relationship, and of course, the exploration of new feelings. But the reasons behind anal sex are really irrelevant - if you want to try anal sex, it's just like any other type of sex: if it appeals, and you are both in agreement, go ahead and enjoy. But for the sake of your relationship, do it in a fun, playful way with no pressure and no recriminations if it doesn't work!

Anal sex might not appeal to my partner

According to a Playboy survey, over 60% of women and 47% of men have tried anal sex. But if your partner resists the idea of anal play, try discussing it with them, telling them why you'd like to try this form of sex, and maybe pointing them to this web page so they can read about anal sex before trying it out. It's probably fairly obvious why many men like the idea of anal sex, but one question that often comes up is how much pleasure the woman gets from it.

Do women enjoy anal sex?

It depends. In both sexes, the anus is surrounded by thousands of nerve endings, which interconnect with the nerves of the vagina and clitoris or the penis and prostate, so the anus can play a role in sexual arousal and excitement. It's unlikely a woman would orgasm through anal sex stimulation, but she could certainly feel pleasure form the erotic sensations of anal stimulation, and the excitement of being penetrated. In addition the wall of muscle between the rectum and the vagina is thin enough so that pressure sensations from a finger or penis can be transmitted through into the vaginal canal. This is often an interesting and different sensation for a woman during anal sex play.

Do men like anal sex?

I guess you might well be thinking of anal sex in terms of a man penetrating his partner. And of course that is very pleasurable. But it is also very pleasurable for a man to accept anal penetration with, say, his partner's finger, so that she can massage his prostate gland through the wall of his rectum. The prostate gland lies just inside the rectum, just beyond the anal canal. Massaging it can produce all kinds of wonderful sensations, increase the amount of ejaculate he produces, and make his orgasm much more intense. I'll write more about anal sex and anal penetration for men later....

Hygiene

First, though, a note about hygiene during anal sex. Many men and women are afraid that if they penetrate their own or their partner's anus, their finger, dildo or prick will come out covered in shit. This is actually not so. There is rarely any shit inside the rectum at the depth that a penis will penetrate. Having said that, of course at some point you are going to come into contact with your partner's shit if you have anal sex regularly. But so what? It isn't poison! As long as you wash off your finger, or penis, or use a condom, no harm is done. Most people can happily enjoy anal sex if they have been to the toilet earlier that day. Of course, there is always the option of having a small douche or enema before you start to play: this is easy with a suitable douche kit. But don't use much water - say just a cupful, or otherwise you actually begin to wash shit down from higher up the bowel, and that actually makes things worse. You can find suitable small douches on sale in pharmacies and chemists or sex shops on the web. But I suggest you just go ahead and enjoy anal play without all the palaver - which may be easier if you have a relaxed attitude to shit! Anyway, one thing I guess you're always going to want to do is wash your anus before you get down to sex. As you wash you can also run a finger up and around just inside the entrance to the anal canal.

The standard warning that everyone gives when they talk about anal sex is not to use anything (finger, condom, penis, dildo) in the vagina that you used in the anus, in case you transfer any bacteria that create a vaginal infection. That seems like good advice. I'd also suggest that if you use your penis in your partner's anus without a condom, you piss soon afterwards so as to flush out any bacteria you may have picked up. As any woman will confirm, cystitis is very unpleasant - and bladder and urine infections in men are not always easy to cure.

Anal sex positions

Obviously you know where your partner's asshole is, but you may not know how to comfortably get near enough to put your penis inside!

The simplest anal sex position for most couples is for the partner who's receiving anal stimulation to be on their back, legs spread and knees pulled up. It's a bit like the position a woman's in when a man licks her clit and vagina, but as most men know, this can lead to a very sore neck! So put a pillow under their butt to lift them a little.

The next anal position is on hands and knees - doggy style sex. Your partner's ass is even easier to get to than it is in the position above, but staying in this posture can be tiring, which might make their ass tense up a bit. This is probably bad, as it means you're less likely to get into it. Try putting some pillows under their chest or belly, so they have some support while they are kneeling. And knees pads are useful too! It will also be easier to get to their ass if the kneeling partner extends their legs a bit sideways and backwards.

The third realistic position is to have the receiving partner lying on their side. Their legs should be in the scissors positions, with one perhaps extended more than the other.

A fourth possibility is to have one partner lying down while the other lies on top of them and enters from the rear.

Anal sex and lubrication

Lubrication is essential for anal sex. If you're just playing outside with his or her rosebud (a sweet euphemism for the asshole), saliva is good - and if a woman is producing copious vaginal juices, maybe you could use that as well - but you may want to make life easy for yourself by using a lubricant. Oils like massage oil are good for anal sex, but of course they will destroy latex condoms, so maybe the better option is a water-based lube like Astroglide or Probe, both of which are very good. If they dry out, you can just add a bit of water and they are back to slippery sloppiness. The maxim if you're penetrating your partner's anus is - too much lube is just about enough! Well, that's what people say, but in practice as long as you use a generous dose, and add more when your partner asks for it, which may be frequently, you (and they) should be fine. But there is no natural lube in this part of the body, so don't try anal sex penetration unless you have lube at hand. Certainly if somehow you do get in there and then withdraw without adequate lubrication, your partner will be in some discomfort. So will you when they hit you.

Playing outside the anus with a finger

I guess this is the type of anal play that most people are willing to try. In women the closeness of the anus to the vagina means that most men are likely to be on nodding terms with their partner's anus anyway, so it's a small step to incorporating anal play into the sex they have together. I think at this point it's worth reminding you that when people are sexually aroused they often find something acceptable which they'd never contemplate when they were less aroused - and that includes anal play. Which is not to say that you can suddenly spring the idea in the middle of lovemaking - or, worse, start pushing your finger or your penis into your partner's asshole without her agreement - but it is helpful to remember that when you're well into your lovemaking, with perhaps a finger on her clit, and another gently massaging her vulva, and maybe yet another one inside her vagina, she may be more receptive to the idea than when you started making love. So - the message is, if you have agreed to explore anal sex, don't make a beeline for her rosebud. Take it slowly, and be gentle.

The movements you can use on the outside of the anus are just as varied as the ones you can use on any other part of the body. Tickling, stroking, circles, moving around the anus in circles and then moving in close to the center - I mean, just use your imagination! Varying the pressure and direction of the strokes will produce a nice and exciting feeling - and the lighter the touch, the more erotic it may seem to your partner. Just as in all massage and stroking, the key to keeping your partner's interest high is in varying the strokes, perhaps alternating fast and slow movements and light and heavier ones. You will find that your partner's anus will react to your touch in one of two ways depending on how relaxed he or she is - it will either gently lose its tension and the tight puckered center of the opening will relax more, or it will tighten up. In the latter case, you can ask your partner to consciously relax and reassure them that you won't be trying to go into them until they are happy about it.

Playing around and massaging the area near the anus, or the "rosebud" opening itself (nice term, eh? another good one is starfish!), but without trying to get in, is often the first step that helps a partner relax and learn to enjoy anal play. So many of us in the west are anally retentive - and even if we're not, a lot of us have tension and fear stuck in this part of the body. A relaxed person tends to have a relaxed anus - so this play might increase your overall sense of well-being, as well as give you some fun!

And of course even better is to play with your own anus if you're tense in that area. Some techniques for learning to let go of anal tension are: to alternately clench your anus and then relax it, so as to learn the difference in feel between the two states; to play with it yourself while you're taking a bath or shower - this can really help you learn how to let go and accept a finger up inside it (I mean, you're more likely to trust yourself with your own anus than anyone else, I guess); and to incorporate some anal sex play into your masturbation.

For your amusement

An extract from the Temple of Clitoris Website, written, it would seem, by a delicate and not-so-innocent English Rose.

"The idea is to gently and carefully excite your partner. At the same time it's not a bad idea to tell her that you love her! You will know if you are succeeding as her vaginal area will become slippery and her clitoris will expand into a firm little bud. At the same time she will begin to groan and writhe about..... If you fancy the idea (and I certainly do) then excite her clitoris with the tip of your tongue. Whilst you are at it you can lick the entrance to her vagina and anus and generally get the whole area nice and slippery. At this point you can gently slide an experimental finger into the entrance of her vagina (or even her anus). In my experience most girls are shocked at anal contact but if well lubricated and excited will only make a token show of resistance. Don't assume from the latter, however, that she will take kindly to your pride and joy being shoved up her arse (English people don't have ass holes they have arse holes, thought you would like to know that) - she is more likely to scream blue murder."

Oral play around the anus during anal sex - which is known as analingus

Well, let's face it, this may be more of a problem for some of you men than actually putting your penis inside her anus. As for you women, I haven't got any statistics, but I should think there might be a bit of resistance to the idea of putting your mouth and tongue on or into your man's anus. And yet, it can be very enjoyable for both parties. Apart from the naughty intimacy of it (I mean, how many people in your life are you going to do this to?), the sensations can be exquisite as a warm moist tongue licks and caresses those sensitive nerve endings.

A light flicking, a heavy probing with the tip of your tongue into your partner's anus, a flattened tongue pressing against the outside of the whole area, a sucking or licking action on the perineum, or any combination of these, can be very exciting. If you are a man doing this to a woman, then you will certainly want to be giving some attention to her clitoris as well, to keep her arousal and interest up. You don't want her drifting off and getting bored, and I am sure most women have better things to do than lie around without feeling aroused while their guy slobbers on their ass!

The question of pain during anal sex

Listen up good, guys: if anal sex is to be enjoyable, it must not be painful! And if it is painful - something is going wrong. When a man or a woman has a relaxed anus, and is welcoming their partner into their body, both the internal and the external sphincter muscles relax, and there is no pain at all - of course, it has to be that way to make anal sex an enjoyable experience! So if there is pain: STOP. And of course make sure the receptive or passive partner knows they can say STOP if things get uncomfortable. The key to avoiding discomfort is to go slowly in the initial penetration, so that the passive partner learns how to accept and relax the entry of the finger, penis or dildo into their body.

The urge to shit

OK. I know this may not sound so romantic, but we need to mention it. The first time someone has a partner penetrate them, they may think they are going to shit. This reflex response is a way the body has of knowing when to empty the rectum - pressure on the wall of the rectum can induce the muscle movements that expel shit. The urge will soon pass if they relax, but you have to be prepared for them to rush off, convinced that they will lose control. Fortunately this is not often a real problem. And if an accident happens, and the receiving partner does need to shit, so what? Just take a relaxed attitude and try again later. The likelihood of an urge to shit, by the way, is rather closely related to the size of the object going into the body - a finger is not likely to induce a shit, but bigger objects might. Again, the more relaxed the receiving partner is, the less likely this is to happen. I just mention it in case.

Avoiding mishaps

The lining of the rectum is a mucus membrane - like the inside of the mouth - and it is more sensitive and much thinner than the walls of the vagina. So if you massage it with a finger, use the pad of your finger, and make sure your nails are well trimmed. And don't try this if the receiver has hemorrhoids (piles.)

Finger penetration - the first step to anal intercourse

Ok, now you're thinking of moving forward - literally. You could, by the way, give your fingers a condom, in the shape of a pair of latex gloves, if you're still feeling dubious about hygiene and sticking your precious pinky up there. However, if you want to enjoy the intimate feeling of your partner's flesh under your finger tip, have a cloth ready to wipe yourself off when you withdraw. This may not needed, but it will be helpful in case you need to wipe up excess lube - which you will, of course, have liberally coated over your finger, and gently massaged into your partner's anus before you start (an exciting and erotic act in itself). Now, how do you get up the anal canal? Well, very gently, is the short answer to that.

There are two rings of muscles at this entrance to the body, one on the outside (the external sphincter) and one deeper inside at the entry to the rectum, at the end of the anal canal. (In case you are mystified, the anal canal is the passage through the body wall that connects the open air to your rectum. Now, does that help?)

The two rings of muscle are only a half inch or so apart, but you have to pass through both to get into the rectum, and they can clamp tightly shut if they are feeling moody! The external one is easier to relax, but the internal one will clamp shut regardless of what you or your partner wishes if you are feeling anxious, fearful or frightened. Trying to get through its impenetrable barrier is then difficult and often extremely painful - not that the owner of the muscle is likely to let you try.

The best way for a man to finger his partner's anus is probably to incorporate it into his overall sex play. When she is getting aroused, you can play with her anus - but only if she knows this is on the menu, guys: don't spring it on her - using a little pressure at some point to begin probing her opening. You're going to have to make some kind of judgment about how much she enjoys it (of course you could always ask her how it feels), and judge your progress accordingly. Sharing that secret special place with your partner is, or can be, a very loving act, and the permission to enter someone's body like this deserves to be respected by the penetrating partner. It's therefore important to work up to it gradually, by stroking and massaging the area around the opening, and giving the receiving partner time to get used to these new feelings. (Eventually of course, once they are confident, everything will proceed much quicker.) Once they have given you the go-ahead, look the anus in the eye - so to speak - and find the exact center of the opening. It's not always obvious, so do check. Once you've found it, gently press with your fingertip (and don't forget the lube), while your partner mentally and physically relaxes and welcomes your finger into their body. This has to be a conscious choice - an act of will. Often a rhythmic pushing motion helps - your finger may go further in each time until it finally slides through the two rings of muscle and enters their rectum.

I'm in! What do I do now?

This probably depends a bit on whether you are a man or a woman.

Man in woman

A pretty good recipe for her is to excite her clitoris and vulva with your tongue, while you gently massage the sensitive spots inside her vagina with one finger and gently massage her anus, anal canal or the wall of her rectum with another finger. Pressing or massaging the wall of her rectum nearest her vagina often transmits exciting sensations to her vagina. Be adventurous - play! And remember not to swap fingers between ass and vagina.

Woman in man

Well, women are blessed with a G-spot, so why shouldn't men have one too? Good news, guys! You do have one - it's called your prostate gland, and it is exquisitely sensitive. Normally, of course, it is hidden away, but a quirk of nature means that it can be gently massaged from inside the rectum.

Obviously if a guy is lying on his back, the prostate is on the upper side of his rectum, and it can be stimulated by a finger gently massaging it through the wall of the rectum. For the lover who is massaging a man's prostate, caution is the watchword, because this allows you to establish what degree of pressure will be pleasant for him. And indeed, what sort of movement - circles, strokes, gentle pressure - whatever. Again - be adventurous, and play!

In Tantric Sex, there is a whole body of work about male sacred spot massage. The sacred spot is, to put it simply, a spot in the inner wall of the rectum which produces exquisite feelings and sensations when it is massaged. It is not necessarily the same as the spot on which you can massage the prostate: it often lies just in front of it. The key, therefore, to a man getting the most pleasure from his partner's penetration, is for the partner to move their finger over as large an area as possible until the most sensitive spot is found. The massager will know when she (or he in gay couples) has hit the spot - the expressions of delight from the receiver are usually a good clue!

The prostate gland produces much of the semen that a man ejaculates. And massaging it will produce more semen, and change its consistency (it makes semen more runny). So if you "suck him off" while you finger his prostate, and take this all the way to his orgasm, you will find that the taste and quantity of his semen may be different to normal - perhaps more pleasant. But I guess that depends on how pleasant you find his semen to start with.

Anal Intercourse - man making love to woman

It's best to go for the ultimate objective when you are both fairly aroused - but not, let me add, so aroused that you get carried away, and forget the condom, the lube, or to listen to what she's saying (for example: "Stop! Stop!" It hurts!"). It's also a great idea to start with a finger, even if you want to get your penis in there. We've already had a look at how you might go about getting your finger into your partner's anus in a way that she enjoys, so - what do you do next? Again, the answer is, be very careful. Relaxation and slow progress are the key to successful anal sex, and of course using plenty of lube (I recommend "Probe". A very good supplier is listed above.)

Start by looking where you are going. This isn't like going into a vagina, where the labiae will guide your penis in even if your penis is not at quite the right angle. You can't go into an anus by feel alone. You need to be sure you have targeted your entry correctly: if you try and do it by feel alone, your penis may well end up pressing into your partner's perineum or some of the soft tissue around her anus. A good guide to how much resistance you will meet is the ease (or otherwise) with which you can slide a finger in - and yes, I know this is much smaller than your penis, but her anus can relax to accommodate your penis with little more difficulty than it relaxes to admit your finger (see some of the photos on the next page if you don't believe me. They show a relaxed gaping anus remaining open after the penis has withdrawn). Another helpful tip is to have your lover guide you in - this also makes her feel she has more control over the process, and that could help her relax. But you must use your own hand to guide your penis in as well. And you must go slowly. Slowly. Slowly. You can probably speed up your thrusts when your partner has had the chance to get accustomed to the feeling - but do everything slowly to start with. When you begin to seek entry, ask her if it is OK to go into her body. And if she says yes, and welcomes you in, it will help if she says this out loud as you press at her rosebud: "I welcome you into my body. My body is relaxing to let you in."

As for positions - well, once you have decided on the basic approach (rear entry, side by side, woman lying on her back, or whatever) you are just going to have to try shifting position slightly until you find the right angle. Every body is slightly different inside, and the exact angle which will allow your penis in will be a matter for each couple to establish for themselves. The pictures (click here) may help you. As you can see, the positions are not that different to normal vaginal sex: they just need slight modification, such as her legs being farther apart.

Perhaps the best way to get in is to use a kind of slight pumping or thrusting movement, starting by pressing at the opening, and then just adding a bit of pressure, then withdrawing, then going back again with a tiny bit more pressure - and so on. The sensation of your penis head - if that is the largest part of your penis - going through her anal canal may be strange, but it can actually be quite erotic, pleasant and arousing. Of course, to feel pleasant, it has to be painless, and to be painless she has to be pretty relaxed and you have to be well lubed. You may have an advantage on getting in if your penis head is pointy and small, because it will ease her open gently and hopefully allow your larger penis shaft to get in behind it. (Information on the different types of penis shape can be found here if you are interested.)

Very small cuts and tears are common when you go into the anus. Don't panic - these are just small lesions you will never notice, like the ones you get in your mouth every time you brush your teeth (no - you never notice them either). But unless you are absolutely sure of your partner's sexual history, this is a compelling reason for using a condom. The best combination is probably an unlubricated condom with plenty of Probe lubricant.

So - assuming you have gone slowly, and gently, you will probably now be deep inside your lover, connected in a very special way. Anal sex is a privilege for a man - I think it demands a lot of a woman, and it can be a real test of trust. Having said that, many women do enjoy it, and it can become a regular feature of a couple's sex life. So once you've both got used to it, and she is able to relax sufficiently to let her anus admit you and accommodate your thrusting, what do you do next? I guess you try other positions that will allow you to kiss, fondle and hold each other while you are inside her. One example would be to have the woman on top while she straddles you. And a position where the man can thrust gently and intermittently so as to extend the time before he comes, while he can reach her vagina and massage her G spot and clit with his fingers could be helpful in allowing a couple to reach simultaneous orgasm - it's certainly worth a try.

Anyway - enjoy!

Anal intercourse - woman on man

No, this isn't a mistake. A woman can fuck her man up the ass - and those couples who are into it seem to think it is rather delightful. And no, it doesn't mean that you're a repressed gay man (for goodness' sake. As if being gay is a problem). Anyhow, the obvious question is "How?" and the obvious answer is - she uses a strap-on penis.

OK, for those of you who are still reading, let me explain. It all centers, of course, on the prostate, that exquisitely sensitive area of tissue that men are fortunate enough to have just behind the rectal wall, conveniently placed so you can massage it from inside the rectum. And of course, a man can experience something like intercourse if his partner thrusts up into him with a suitable artificial penis. This means the man has the pleasure of erotic sensations around his anus, while his prostate is also stimulated in a way that is certainly - at the very least - pleasant. (And the whole process might just give him an idea what his partner experiences during sex.) There are many interesting aspects to the idea of a woman getting herself tooled up with a false penis and thrusting into her man. Most obvious is the physical pleasure it can give a man, even bringing him to the point of orgasm, and if not, certainly increasing immensely the intensity of his orgasm.

But this goes deeper than just pleasure. Men who allow their women to do this are saying something like - I am secure enough in my maleness to be happy with the idea of you thrusting something up my ass and taking the dominant position. For a woman who is usually - in some sense at least - submitting to the thrusts of her man, and who wants to know how penetration feels when you're on the other end of the penis, this can be a very exciting experience, opening up new ideas about relationships, power and the roles of men and women.

What's more, with the right sort of dildo, a woman will have a smaller protrusion in her own vagina, with the base of the strap-on pressing on her clitoral area - so she may well come from the thrusting - a novel experience for her!

OK. So you want to try it?

Here's what you do. Go to Toys In Babeland and buy the recommended equipment: a slim silicon dildo called "Mistress" and a harness for your female partner to wear to go with it. Mind you, Toys in Babeland have lots off other stuff on offer as well, so you could always be adventurous and choose your own. Also, buy the video of Bend Over Boyfriend - an amusing video which is both educational and titillating - but which gives you all the information, tips and advice you need to be successful at this esoteric form of sex play.