You
walk into your child's room and find his or her playing doctor with the neighbor's
kid. You (check one):
A.
Call your spouse or pediatrician for guidance through the crisis
B.
Make an appointment with your favorite brand of therapist
C.
Chew out the children
D.
Give them a stethoscope
Sex
play is quite typical among children, finds a Pennsylvania psychologist who has
conducted one of the few studies about childhood sexual play and games. Between
ages six and 12--the years Freud dubbed the latency stage-kids are highly curious
about sex and play a range of games with members of both the same sex and the
opposite sex.
These
games, says Sharon Lamb, assistant professor of human development at Bryn Mawr
College, go beyond merely checking things out to actual sexual stimulation. "Kids
are doing lots of finding out about their own bodies," Lamb said. "They
also experiment with gender roles."
The
only problem is, what's typical may not be so healthy. In her study of 108 randomly
chosen undergraduate women responding to a questionnaire, 85% remembered a "normal
childhood sexual-play experience." Of those, 44% involved cross-gender play
and 56% same-sex play. But girls who played sex games with boys experienced more
aggression and coercion, which seems to come with the territory of playing with
boys. "It's probably parallel to lots of other kinds of play," said
Lamb.
She
catalogs nine variations of normal childhood sex play:
o
Playing doctor. One of the most common games, listed by 15% of the respondents.
The whole point is the removal of clothes to examine each others' bodies, especially
the genitals.
o
Exposure. Another 15% listed this pure "experiment in curiosity" which,
unlike "playing doctor," dispensed with pretend.
o
Experiments in stimulation. Similarly unstructured and without fantasy, this activity
had children exploring the titillation of physical contact, notably of the genitals.
o
Kissing games. The main event is kissing. Fantasy sexual play. For nearly 31%
of the respondents, sex play was embedded in some kind of fantasy play, which,
as with "doctor," was merely the framework for experimenting with sexual
stimulation. Children playing these kind of games often rehearsed adult roles
of parent, lover, boss--even prostitute. Four common themes in this category include:
o
house
o
love scenes based on TV or book characters
o
commercialized sexuality, such as the kind represented in pornographic materials,
strip shows, poses from Playboy, and prostitution.
o
stories of sexual dominance, where coercion was built into the play, as in rape
scenarios and tales of slave girls.
All
typical, says Lamb, though you may want to watch out for that last one.
While
you may not want to hand your kids a stethoscope and offer complete approval,
you shouldn't be worried either. Remember: The important aspect is whether coercion
is used. If a child doesn't feel manipulated and the age difference between playmates
is less than five years, the play is likely to be mutual and a normal expression
of curiosity.
