New
findings and radical changes in our understanding of orgasm should make it easier
to have stellar sex, and reap the mother lode of rewards we now know come with
it.
Steven
and Beth are making love. They've been doing it two or three times a week for
six months in much the same way: Beth lies on her back with her legs in the air.
Steven kneels in front of her, inserts his penis and begins to thrust. Beth grinds
her hips and moans slightly. Steven thrusts quickly for 30 seconds, moans, and
having ejaculated, withdraws. They hug and lie together in the "spoon"
position. Both feel mildly disappointed, but that's how they normally feel after
sex. He rolls over and goes to sleep. She stays awake, feeling anxious and depressed.
Next
door, Karen and Jason are making love for the first time. They spend lots of time
on oral sex and both get very aroused. When Jason enters Karen, she is already
so aroused that she has an orgasm immediately Jason can feel the walls of her
vagina pulsing around him. He slows down his thrusting. Now he can feel Karen's
breathing change as she goes into a second orgasm, which causes her arms and legs
to spasm and her heart to race. Now his breathing quickens and with an extremely
loud moan he has an orgasm and ejaculation. His whole body spasms. Jason says,
"Don't stop. If you keep moving, I can go again." And he does, having
two more orgasms in five minutes. Afterward, Karen and Jason feel energized and
give off a glow. They are no youngsters. They are in their late 30s.
These
two anecdotes illustrate a number of things (other than the fact that I am unlikely
to land a job writing erotica any time soon). First, sex is good for you. Because
sexual arousal and orgasm involve an interplay of several body systems, it's well
known that sex improves our breathing and circulation, resulting in bright eyes,
a facial glow and shiny hair. Sex can also improve cardiovascular conditioning,
strength, flexibility and muscle tone, and has been known to relieve the symptoms
of specific medical conditions, such as menstrual problems, osteoporosis and arthritis.
Arousal
and orgasm also benefit our mental health. Because they cause the release of pleasure-inducing
endorphins in the brain, they can relieve anxiety and depression, increase vitality
and boost the immune system. Sex also creates an emotional and physical bond that
is essential for social support. With all the mental and physical benefits of
sex, it's like we're walking around with a complete health care system inside
our own body.
The
second major point that the opening anecdotes illustrate is that orgasm is not
the same for everyone. Men and women have different expectations about lovemaking
and orgasms. Orgasms can vary greatly in their physical and psychological intensity,
and both men and women may be capable of greater orgasmic responses than we previously
thought possible.
If
sex is good for your health, good sex is even better, and really great, mind-blowing
multiorgasmic sex is even better than that! I believe that recent findings about
male and female orgasm are changing our understanding of orgasm so radically that
in the near future, we will find evidence that orgasm can have an even more profound
effect on our physical and mental health. And the changing views will make it
much easier for the average man and woman to reap these psychological and physical
benefits.
Defining
Orgasm
Kinsey,
Masters and Johnson, and other sex researchers defined orgasm as a reflex that
occurs when muscle tension and blood flow to the pelvis reach a peak and are dispersed,
and when the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle group that supports the pelvic floor spasms
rhythmically at 0.8 second intervals and the heart rate accelerates rapidly (often
as high as 180 beats a minute) and then slows down. For men, orgasm usually includes
ejaculation.
Orgasm
can involve changes in blood pressure, heavy breathing, muscle spasms in the buttocks,
tension in the arms, legs and neck, facial grimacing, sweating, the sex flush
(reddening of the skin on the chest and neck), tingling of the fingers and toes,
yawning, moaning, screaming and uncontrollable emotional outbursts such as weeping
and laughing (or bursting into songs like "Ah, sweet mystery of life, at
last I've found you!"). Some people report a feeling of undefined sadness
after orgasm, called post coital tristesse, which I always thought would make
a great name for a rock group.
From
a psychological standpoint, orgasm can provide a measure of relief or release,
and encompass feelings of loss of control or even a sense of an altered state
of consciousness, probably due to the release of endorphins.
I
describe orgasms on a continuum from a localized genital sensation that is mildly
pleasurable to a full-body orgasm with intense psychological sensations and all
the fireworks--the kind of orgasm one of my clients calls "the psychedelic
jackpot that lights up the universe." With this kind of variation, it's no
wonder some women don't notice them.
The
Female Orgasm
A
brief history of orgasm reveals the radical changes in perspective over time.
In
her excellent book, The Technology of Orgasm (Johns Hopkins, 1999), Rachel Maines
describes the double standard of female orgasm in the Victorian era. Orgasm was
considered both the cause and cure for hysteria, the latter assumption leading
to the development of the vibrator. Also in the Victorian era, Sigmund Freud differentiated
between what he called a clitoral orgasm and a vaginal orgasm. Female infants
and children could masturbate by stimulating the clitoris and experience orgasmic
sensations, he posited. By contrast, adult women could experience a vaginal orgasm
(described as a deeper sensation) during intercourse. Failure to achieve vaginal
orgasm in adulthood, he said, signaled psychological immaturity due to fixation
at the phallic stage of psychosexual development.
Alfred
Kinsey, in his monumental work Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, also held
that as a girl grew up, her clitoral orgasms somehow evolved into vaginal orgasms.
"The vagina itself should be the center of sensory stimulation and this,
as we have seen," he said, "is a physical and physiologic impossibility
for nearly all females."
Taking
cues from Kinsey, Masters and Johnson concluded that, regardless of the source
of the stimulation, all orgasms happened because they somehow activated the clitoris,
either directly or indirectly, and caused PC muscle spasms. The clitoris then
became the gold standard of female orgasm. I remember countless magazine advice
columns from this era urging men to find "the man in the boat."
A
problem with Masters and Johnson is that their studies focused on such minute
physical details of arousal and orgasm that a lot of people started missing the
big picture. For example, they said the clitoris retracts before orgasm. I knew
several women who thought they had a problem because they approached orgasm with
their clitoris waving in the breeze. Just because most people in a sex laboratory
experience phases of excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution doesn't mean that's
the best or only way to make love.
With
the publication of The G Spot (Reinhart and Winston, 1982), Alice Ladas, John
Perry and Beverly Whipple demonstrated that the vagina contains at least one area
that is sensitive and can trigger orgasm in some women. They also demonstrated
the existence of female ejaculation. (This phenomenon was already known to individual
women, many of whom thought they had lost control during sex and peed on their
partner.) Research continues on the exact nature of the fluid contained in these
ejaculations, but, in a radical change from only 15 years ago, sex researchers
now assume that all women ejaculate, but often in amounts too small to be noticed.
In
my book Discover Your Sensual Potential (HarperCollins, 1999), I explained how
to stimulate an area in the upper rear of the vagina known as the culde-sac, also
called the fornix. I relied on Masters and Johnson for a phenomenon called "tenting,"
in which, when a woman becomes really aroused, the muscles and ligaments surrounding
the uterus lift it up and allow penetration into this extra inch or so of space
behind the cervix, resulting in some incredible orgasmic sensations.
I
also relied on a little-known article from the Journal of Sex Research published
in 1972. In "Types of Female Orgasm," researchers Singer and Singer
described vulval, uterine and blended orgasms. A vulval orgasm resembles what
we consider a clitoral orgasm, with spasms of the PC muscle. The uterine orgasm
results from stimulation deep inside the vagina. A blended orgasm (although it
sounds like a designer coffee drink) combines the two.
The
publication of The G Spot led the way for a continued alphabet soup approach to
female orgasm: The U spot is the sensitive opening to the urethra; Debbie Tideman,
in The X Spot Orgasm, describes stimulation of the cervix; I find that stimulation
of the PC muscle that surrounds the opening of the vagina is very successful in
enhancing orgasm. And in Are We Having Fun Yet? (Hyperion, 1997), Marcia and Lisa
Douglas claim that the female genitals form an "orgasmic crescent" composed
of erectile tissue--including the clitoris, the part of the clitoris that extends
into the body, the G spot and the area surrounding the urethra--which swells with
arousal in a sort of female erection.
Today,
female orgasm still suffers from a kind of double standard: On one hand, we have
new and expanded information about orgasm triggers. On the other hand, many women
are still 'not regularly orgasmic and feel cheated, left out, inferior or resigned,
because their expectation of having an orgasm is so low.
Feminist
thought suggests that this history amounts to a conspiracy to prevent women from
experiencing sexual pleasure, or at the least, a series of value judgments about
the female body. But the picture reveals no conspiracy. What we have here is researchers
starting out literally "in the dark." Rather than rendering this history
obsolete, I see us building on it to discover stronger and more frequent female
orgasms.
The
Male Orgasm
Male
orgasm is not without controversy. The prevailing view only several years ago
was that orgasm and ejaculation were one and the same, and that men were not capable
of multiple orgasm except in rare cases.
Several
years ago, when I trained to be a sexual surrogate partner, what struck me most
was that the male surrogate partners I met had that ability. And as a surrogate
partner, I found that men I treated for premature ejaculation would, as an unexpected
"side effect" of learning ejaculation control, experience spontaneous
multiple orgasms.
At
the time, there wasn't much reading available on the topic. In the Journal of
Sex Research in 1978, Mina Robbins and Gordon Jensen reported interviewing 13
multiorgasmic men, concluding that it is possible for men to have multiple orgasms
by separating orgasm from ejaculation. Sex therapists and researchers William
Hartman and Marilyn Fithian wrote Any Man Can (St. Martin's Press, 1984), that
described some rudimentary techniques that men could use to become multiply orgasmic.
In 1989, Marian Dunn and Jan Trost, writing in the Archives of Sexual Behavior,
expanded the thinking following interviews with 21 multiorgasmic men. They found
that there are different patterns of male orgasmic ability, that men don't always
lose their erection after an orgasm or ejaculation, multiple orgasms could be
learned, and that expectations can limit men's orgasmic response. Recently, Beverly
Whipple and colleagues, reporting in the Journal of Sex Education and Therapy,
studied a man who experienced six orgasms in 36 minutes with no erection loss
and no attempt to control ejaculation.
In
a book I wrote called How To Make Love All Night (HarperCollins, 1994), I identified
three patterns of male multiple orgasm: one is a non-ejaculatory orgasm (NEO)
in which a man has an orgasm but inhibits ejaculation using the PC muscle. After
several orgasms he then "releases the hounds." In multi-ejaculation,
a man has several orgasms in a row, all accompanied by full or partial ejaculation.
In a third pattern, a man has an intense orgasm and ejaculation, followed by less
intense orgasms, or "aftershocks." All of these patterns can occur without
erection loss.
Men
who experience multiple orgasms report feeling energized after orgasm rather than
depleted; are able to understand and enjoy their partner's arousal better; feel
closer to their partners; have more options during a sexual encounter with the
same partner--which promotes monogamy; and find that their partners had positive
reactions. The men find that their orgasms were actually stronger and more intense
because they were full-body orgasms rather than localized genital sensations.
The
Implications Of These Findings?
We
need to study the impact of psychological variables such as thoughts, fantasies
and dreams on orgasm and then on physical health. If enhancing orgasm does prove
to promote physical health and help relieve pain--and promote mental health by
relieving anxiety and depression and protecting against stress--this is clearly
an alternative to drugs. As part of this approach, we need to study the quality
rather than the quantity or frequency of sexual encounters. Let's get over "Am
I normal?" and move toward "Why not be fabulous?"
I
would like to propose a new "sexual hygiene" movement in which the emphasis
is on the relationship of sex to physical health, vitality, wellness, wellbeing
and even creativity.
I
think a useful framework from which to view sex education is one that uses expectations--a
central concept in many areas of psychology. Expectations can either limit or
enhance our sexual experience. In a sense, the current expectation of what many
women experience during orgasm is too high it's unrealistic to expect fireworks
when you have no knowledge of your own response and no orgasm history. On the
other hand, our current expectations are too low in that we expect preference,
not passion, and performance, not pleasure. Sex education should promote aspiration,
not limitations, stressing that when you're in a long-term relationship there's
always more to learn about your own response and your partner's response.
Exploring
Orgasmic Potential
The
future of sex is not cybersex or the Orgasmatron, Woody Allen's futuristic orgasm-producing
home appliance in his 1973 movie Sleeper. It's still arousal and orgasm with a
living, breathing partner. Expanding our orgasmic potential may help end some
of the gender divisiveness that many of us have experienced, and allow us to use
our bodies to create shared emotional peak experiences that I believe form the
basis of adult relationships. It's good to be sexually fit and orgasmic, but the
meaning is more important than the techniques used to get there.
We
haven't even come close to exploring our orgasmic potential. I'm not naive enough
to believe that orgasmic energy powers the universe, cures cancer, or prevents
mass killings (though it does a pretty good job of keeping me off the streets).
In addition to all of the physical and mental benefits we can get from sex, we
can also experience more and greater benefits if we individually and mutually
unleash our orgasmic potential.
Here's
a question we should all look forward to pondering: If both partners are multiorgasmic,
how do you know when you're through making love?
A
Bigger Better Orgasm
Both
men and woman can use the following techniques to make orgasms longer, stronger,
more intense and, ultimately, more healthful.
1.
GAIN PELVIC MUSCLE CONTROL The pubococcygeal (PC) muscle group, which supports
the pelvic floor, is the one that spasms when you have an orgasm. If it's in good
shape, more blood will flow to the pelvic area during arousal and the PC will
contract more strongly, making orgasms last longer and feel more intense. To paraphrase
a statement about scientific discovery, "Orgasm favors the prepared body."
Kegel exercises are a simple way to strengthen PC muscles. To do them, squeeze
the muscle you use to voluntarily hold back your urine. Hold for two seconds and
then release. Repeat 20 times, three times a day.
2.
CONTROL VOLUNTARY MOVEMENTS IN SEX You may already realize that some of the phenomena
happening to your body during sex are under your control. While you cannot voluntarily
increase and decrease your heart rate, you can take charge of various voluntary
activities and thereby improve your sexual sensations.
As
you approach orgasm, try speeding up your breathing and alternately tensing and
relaxing your arm or leg muscles. During another session of lovemaking, practice
squeezing or fluttering your PC muscle. The main behavioral principle is to choose
one physical aspect of orgasm that you can control and overpractice it. Soon you
will have trained your body so that all of these responses will work together
effortlessly and occur spontaneously during future orgasms.
3.
MONITOR YOUR AROUSAL LEVELS As you make love, note your arousal levels on a scale
from 1 to 10, with 10 being orgasm. As you reach each level, briefly stop and
allow your arousal to subside so that rather than shooting straight for the moon,
your arousal rises in a wave-like pattern. This technique, known as peaking, results
in intense orgasms, possibly because it optimizes endorphin release.
In
a related exercise, plateauing, squeeze your PC muscle, change your breathing,
change your focus or change your speed in order to stay at high arousal levels
for a long time prior to orgasm. Learning peaking and plateauing with a partner
helps you develop a shared language of arousal and orgasm.
Barbara
Keesling, Ph.D., is a lecturer on human sexuality at the California State University
at Fullerton, and has written nine books, including Getting Close: A Lover's Guide
to Embracing Fantasy and Heightening Sexual Connection (HarperCollins, 1999).
By:
Barbara Keesling Originally published by Psychology Today:Nov/Dec 99
